Open letter to famous people I've loved: Prince

Dear Prince,

I love you.

When I was a kid in the eighties I didn't really listen to you or get you. In retrospect I suspect that your overt sexuality was a bit repulsive to me as a young child but ironically it was hearing the song Gett Off on the radio for the first time that blew my mind. I heard it just once, couldn't believe it then didn't hear it again for years. I thought I'd imagined it. And then I saw Sandra Bernhard dancing to Little Red Corvette and I realised so late that it was probably one of the best songs ever written and then I listened to everything else and wondered what I'd been doing with my life. When I was a kid and people used to say you were a genius I thought, 'Meh', but shit. They were right. You're a genius. You were a genius.

You're dead now. I cried and cried when I heard. I mean I really sobbed. I've never reacted like that to the death of a famous person. Not even when I was 14 and I heard that River Phoenix had died. But I cried the first time I saw you live too and that had never happened before either. And I don't mean tears welled in my eyes. I mean they streamed down my cheeks. For minutes, many minutes. I guess it's because I loved you above all others. Above every other person I never knew. Or rather, through your music I have felt everything. It would be a lie if I said I love all your later work but who gives a shit, Prince? Who cares? I could listen to everything you wrote in the eighties forever. I will listen to it forever. I suppose in part it's to do with nostalgia, but mainly it's to do with you and how friggen' great your music is. You don't need me to tell you that you've written some of the best music ever, if there is anyone who knows that I'm sure it's you. But I will tell you that you wrote most of my favourite music ever.

But it's not just that, Prince. That overt sexuality that may have scared me as a kid is usually the kind of thing I'd find pretty unattractive, but on you, Prince, somehow it works. I mean, it really works. It's not until I saw you live that I realised just how much it works. I mean, your dance moves, your essence. Oh god, you were so great. When my friend K and I discussed it we decided that you had this creepy/sexy thing going on, whereby the intense sexuality you exude was so creepy it surpassed both sexiness and creepiness to become some über weirdly attractive thing. But it's more than that. Though in some ways you seem to take yourself quite seriously you also display a real spazzness, you seem to have so much fun, and there are few things better than that. If I've ever seen anyone have an awesome time on stage it's you. And your size helped too. I mean if you were some tall, buff super handsome dude all that posturing would really have been repulsive, but your little package, you could fucking wield that weird sexy shit and my word it worked.

Also, Prince, although in one sense you put it all out there, you also were so restrained. You didn't need to post dumb shit on social media, you didn't need to tell the world everything about yourself. We just saw what you wanted us to and that was beautiful. Famous people these days don't understand that. And the media don't either. Overexposure is really killing the ability to just fall for a superstar, but you didn't buy into that shit, Prince. You really were a genius.

After I saw you live in 2012 all I could think about was seeing you again. Those shows weren't life-changing to me but they were life-defining. It was as if I never knew how good a thing could be until I saw you perform. Not that I don't have a bunch of wonderful things in my life or that I haven't had a bunch of wonderful experiences, but those shows were like magic, the pinnacle of art for me. And so I couldn't wait to see you again. And when the Piano and a Microphone tour was announced I couldn't believe I had the chance to see you so soon. But the tickets were $400 and though I sat at my computer debating the ticket purchase I felt angry in the end. I need my $400 more than you did. I was on maternity leave and $400 is a shit load of money to a person, Prince. I needed that $400. And I would just see you next time, I thought. But now you're dead and I can't ever see you again and my poor heart aches.

You were the best, Prince. I love you.

J